I've Got Some Explaining To Do

Let me start by saying that I am overwhelmed by it all. What is "it" you ask? Or perhaps, who is "H." Well I better start about a year ago. We had a Dr. appt with Dr. Fisch (like fish). We went into this particular appointment not knowing what to expect, and what he told us completely took us by surprise. We are a couple who has the opportunity to search out alternate methods to having more children. Infertility. We do not know what has caused our opportunity, we are however grateful for it. We've been through a huge emotional upheaval in our home. What do we do? When will we do it? I've learned to try to enjoy the ride my life is taking, and I have quit trying to control it. It's just easier that way.

In January we got orders to move our family to Alaska. Kind of strange, we thought, why Alaska? Regardless of the reason we packed up, well we watched the movers pack up, and we drove to The Last Frontier in May. Another important thing happened in January, something we didn't know about. A little boy named Harlen was born on January 17th, just two days after we received our orders to move to the state of this child's birth.

I welcomed moving partly because I didn't have to decided what to do concerning our opportunity. I have always loved kids. Ask anyone that knows me, and they will tell you the same. It has been heartbreaking to think that I might not be able to cherish another child in my home. I became withdrawn, and I didn't tell too many people about it, because I didn't want to talk about it, it hurt. Alot.

So when we got to Alaska, I had to deal with my emotions, and figure out my life. I am not one to just give up, so I started looking into InVitro and Adopting. Both can be equally fulfilling, but both seemed very unattainable for our family. We have a wonderful family in our ward that has a beautiful foster baby. I started to think about being a foster parent, and asked Jon to consider it. We are both excited and somewhat nervous about the decision we have made, but we feel like our kids are out there, we just have to find them.

In a whirlwind of 6 weeks we have been to the orientation class about being a Resource Family here in Alaska: (That's what they are called now, but I don't mind being called a foster family either.) Attended the Core Training Classes, 6 three hour classes: and have a license have foster children in our home. A sweet friend watched Ila for us so we could begin to find the rest of our family. We had to do a lot to get our license, and in record time. This usually takes about 6 months. Amazing how fast things go when they are the "right" thing. Jon and I have noticed in our marriage that when things are right for us, they almost magically happen. When things are not right, each step is agonizingly slow, and hard and stressful.

Yesterday, Jon and I sat in at a meeting concerning Harlen. He is currently in a wonderful home with adoring foster parents. However, Harlen might be in need of a "Forever" Home, and his current foster parents are not able to adopt him if necessary. Here's where we come in. We do want to adopt. We don't know if we will be able to adopt Harlen, but we want the opportunity to love him, and hopefully if its right, we will be able have him forever.

So there's our story. We met Harlen yesterday. He already has my heart. He has a very cute serious face when he is thinking about something, but then when you make eye contact he instantly breaks into the most amazing smile. He loves to giggle and laugh and throws his head back when he does. So cute. He has almond shaped eyes that seem to laugh when he smiles, oh his smile. He has huge cheeks that I just couldn't resist pinching and kissing. He is 9 1/2 months old. Just learned how to crawl and is on the move. Harlen is a very happy baby, sleeps great, not a picky eater, loves people, and is just the most perfect baby. He has pale skin and dark hair with brown eyes. Harlen is an Alaska Native. We are excited to learn more about the natives here in Alaska, so we can learn about Harlen's heritage.

Yesterday before meeting him I could hardly contain my excitement and also fear of the unknown. I had butterflies, which I do not usually get. The last time I had such a feeling was just minutes before Jon and I were sealed in the LDS Bountiful Temple. We sat in the Celestial Room before we were married and I had the same joy and anticipation of our new life together. I am anxious for this chapter of our lives to get past the introduction. We will most definitely have ups and downs, but I know we will better for it. We truly love life, and all the opportunities it brings to us.